Meaningless
by lilkyonkyon
Summary: Even Naruto knew he wasn't the brightest, but heck, it would have taken a friggin genius to figure out why Itachi was allowing him to tag along. Slight Naruto-bashing, all in good nature. Rated for language. Oneshot. Further summary inside.


**Title:** Meaningless

**Setting:** Fire Country, about one hundred miles outside of Konoha, before the Chuunin exam

**Summary:** Naruto, during a simple training exercise, becomes hopelessly lost in the forest outside of Konoha, unintentionally wandering further and further outside of the designated training zone. He is discovered by none other than Itachi, who inexplicably agrees to help Naruto back to the village.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto is not mine, sorry.

**Meaningless**

Uzumaki Naruto was lost, and he did not know it.

The boy was crouching in a tree, scanning every which way for a familiar landmark over the top of his map. Of course, it was pointless now. Had he been paying any attention at the beginning of the exercise, he would have realized that he passed the training zone boundaries about two and a half days ago. But he wasn't, so he didn't. Ergo, Uzumaki Naruto was lost.

The map that had almost immediately been shredded by his abuse flapped helplessly against his grip. His eyes returned to a highlighted patch of woods. "I know that I'm supposed to go here…." He turned the map upside-down, or maybe rightside-up, he wasn't sure. "…But where am I?"

His stomach interrupted with an upset rumble.

"Shut up, I'm trying to think."

It growled again, more insistent this time.

"Alright! I hear you, dattebayo!" He'd already run out of ramen cups, having eaten both remaining servings during his last break. He had found that he couldn't forage at all after he had eaten some berries that had him throwing up for two hours straight. Naruto's only option, then, was to catch dinner. He refolded the map (a middle section ripped pathetically) and shoved it back in his pocket.

After several failed attempts, he set up a rudimentary snare trap in a patch of woods before he waited. And waited. And napped. And waited some more. The hunt was more boring than Naruto could have imagined. While the forest had lots of wildlife, none of them seemed to be interested in walking towards the snare, baited with a piece of stale candy he'd found in his pocket. It was nearing dark before he finally caught a squirrel — one that looked suspiciously like the squirrel that had tried to bite him a few hours ago. (Squirrel-teme.) Naruto didn't bother to cook it, knowing that his body could handle the raw meat. Besides, he'd lost all his flint when he'd accidentally tumbled down a canyon.

(Fate had clearly not been kind to him today. He, however, hardly noticed his streak of bad luck, for his entire life had been one gigantic exercise in optimism, and he was not about to stop _now_. Indeed, he was still working under the illusion that he would beat all of the other genin in the training exercise.)

Naruto finished his meal of raw squirrel in a hurry. His face was sticky with blood when he was done, but he knew of no stream nearby, and it was already well past ten o'clock. He decided to wash up in the morning, if he had the chance. (Ah, the joys of being a worriless twelve-year old boy.) After making that conscious decision, he practically passed out, crashing to the ground in a restful and almost immediately deep sleep.

He dozed well into the daytime, free of all concerns, though he should have had many. Firstly, he had no stores of food, no kindle for fire. His map was nearly disintegrating by now, not to mention that it only detailed the training grounds, which he'd left very _very_ far behind days ago. He was a genin, alone in Fire Country, with a hopeless situation and an even more hopeless sense of direction. Even if he had known all of this, however, he would not have been deterred. Naruto was still peacefully asleep.

That was how Itachi found him.

At first, he thought the boy was dead. A blond child, likely around Sasuke's age. His face was smeared with dried blood, and his body lay at an impossible angle. His forehead protector showed him to be a genin of Konoha. Faintly disturbed by this terrible scene, Itachi wondered what had happened to his once peaceful village. Who would have allowed this young boy, a mere genin, to be left in such a horrific way, and all alone? Perturbed, he stepped a bit closer, reaching out with his chakra to feel for signs of life.

Itachi was startled to find that not only was the boy alive, but every organ inside of him was functioning normally. His pulse was steady and strong. In fact, he was in a deep sleep. Blinking, Itachi took a step closer. If he was that healthy, though, why did he look so… _dead_?

The young boy started to stir. Itachi jumped back, holding his breath. Normally, he would vanish in an instant, melting into the shadows, but idle curiosity held him steady. He decided to stick around. Besides, it was not as if this boy were threatening.

He pensively watched the boy's slow transition into wakefulness, maintaining a safe distance in the small clearing. The blond child rubbed his eyes vigorously with pudgy fists, stretching his back and yawning loudly. His hands eventually dropped to his sides, and he looked up… straight into Itachi's face. Although he apparently had not expected a stranger's presence, to his credit, the genin did not startle. "It's a sister-boy," he said instead, slightly dazed. Itachi twitched, but showed no other outward sign of emotion. Now that he could see this boy more clearly, he looked _familiar_….

"You should wash your face," Itachi told him pointedly. He quickly flashed through hand signals and summoned a small bubbling fountain at the boy's feet.

"Huh? Oh." Apparently the boy was still too sleepy to realize that the stream had come from nowhere. He scrubbed his mouth and cheeks clean with the cool water, then he ran his hands through his hair, tousling it into an even spikier style. "Better!" he sang with a smile. Then his eyes returned to Itachi.

"Who are you?" the genin asked as he stretched again, more deliberately this time. Itachi remained quiet, taking another step back while the boy stood and began to do some sort of toe-touch. His actions were so strangely unique — Itachi recognized them from somewhere. "Sister-boy?" the blond prompted again, watching him through confused, squinting eyes.

Squinting eyes, and three whisker marks on each cheek.

"Sister—"

"Naruto," Itachi interrupted, finally remembering. "Uzumaki Naruto."

A typical shinobi would have had a million alarms sound in his head if a complete stranger knew his full name. But it became painfully obvious that this young boy was not a typical shinobi when he merely tipped his head to one side, like a puppy questioning its owner. "Huh? How did you know my name?" In a slightly softer voice, the boy said, "I didn't tell you…."

"You are Sasuke's friend," Itachi interrupted again.

Naruto scowled at him. "He's not my friend, dattebayo."

At the last pronouncement, the blond crossed his arms and fell into a moody silence. _And you are the container for the Kyuubi_, Itachi added mentally. That was how he knew his name, from his time studying the jinchuuriki. The nine-tailed fox resided in this young child, and the only evidence was the three whiskers on each cheek, and the circular seal that was undoubtedly hidden underneath his hideously orange jacket.

Eventually, the young boy said, "And you must be a sister-boy."

"My name is Uchiha Itachi," he corrected.

The news did not seem to defer the young boy's pouting. "If you're related to Sasuke, then you're _definitely_ a sister-boy."

"Call me Itachi-san."

"Sister-boy." Naruto was insistent.

Itachi made a conscious effort not to rub his temple. How had Sasuke become friends (_Or not-friends_, he thought with an inelegant snort) with a child as annoying as this? "Fine," he acquiesced, if only to avoid further argument.

That small victory seemed to cheer up the boy considerably. "So, _Sister-boy_, what are you doing in Konoha?"

Itachi was instantly suspicious. He guardedly watched him, weighing the situation with great care. Was the boy putting on this… this sheer stupidity as an act? There was no way he could possibly think they were near Konoha. Was he fishing for information? Was this (somehow) a trap? For the first time, Itachi felt himself to be in danger, and his eyes began to swirl in defense. "What are you doing so far south of the village?" he calmly said, even as his heart thrummed unevenly in his chest.

"Training exercise, dattebayo!" the boy chirped obliviously.

Itachi's countenance didn't change, so Naruto had no way of knowing that the older boy had slowly infiltrated his thoughts with a complex genjutsu. At once, the blond's hands dropped to his side, and his eyes became eerily blank. Itachi, though, wasn't paying attention to the physical environment. He was intently focused on Naruto's memories of the training exercise, getting snippets of information through images, sounds.

He realized that Naruto was perfectly ignorant about… well, just about everything. So it wasn't a trap. The missing-nin forced himself to relax, and he released the jutsu.

Naruto shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. "That was weird," the boy mumbled before he continued his morning exercise. Itachi took this free time to expand his chakra field, reaching outward for fifty miles in every direction. He could feel animals, and travelers—so many things, but only one chakra signature matched that of a genin from Konoha. It was the signature of the boy sitting right in front of him, who was now doing crunches with a freakish intensity.

After his short perusal, Itachi had learned three pressing items:

One, Naruto was, indeed, participating in a genin training exercise that was to end today.

Two, they were about two days away from Konoha and the training grounds, meaning that the map that Naruto had been given did not encompass the territory they were in now.

Three, a genin, by himself, wouldn't last any more than a day in these woods without an unbelievable amount of talent, which, subpoint, Naruto simply did not possess.

All of this led Itachi to one conclusion: if Naruto was not helped, he would die.

_Sasuke's friend_, Itachi thought sadly. He had seen his brother with this boy, and he could perceive their deep attachment to one another, despite their rivalry. It reminded him, rather painfully, of his own competitive friendship with Shisui. The thought nearly sent him tumbling into the throes of full-out teenage-angst mode (he was only human, and seventeen, to boot) but Naruto had begun doing one-handed pushups for no clear reason, and Itachi was too taken aback by this to adhere to tradition.

Sensing his questioning look, Naruto smiled impressively as he exercised. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Itachi did not answer him. He was thinking. He did not want to simply appear within sight of Konoha's walls without any prior planning, though it was possible. The sudden appearance of his chakra, however, would invariably attract the attention of every jounin and ANBU operative within a seventy-mile radius. Itachi was not afraid of them, no, but he had pressing business elsewhere, and a fight in Konoha would alert those outside of the village as well as within. Not to mention that this particular genin would probably become lost again if he was not capable of seeing the village gates with his own two eyes (and, quite possibly, even then).

So, it would have to be walking.

Faintly, Itachi frowned. When had he decided that _he_ would be the one to bring Naruto home?

"Yo, Sister-boy—"

"My name is Itachi."

"—are you lost or something?" He turned his head slightly, just enough to evenly meet his gaze. The boy's squinting eyes and smile were somewhat disarming. "I mean, you keep on standing there…" He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, but his body language spoke of open friendliness.

Itachi had no idea what to make of it. "Allow me to see your map," he said finally.

The foolish boy didn't even think to question how Itachi had known that he had a map in the first place. "Uh, sure." Naruto reached into his pocket and extended a well-worn scroll to him, which he took distastefully and spread on the ground before him.

"This map represents your training grounds," Itachi told him, analyzing the paper instantly with his Sharingan. It was a good map, despite its condition, and he easily figured out which patch of woods had been set aside for training. Of course, it was one much closer to Konoha. "You are located"—Itachi took two large strides southeast, so that he was a good six feet away from the lower corner of the map—"here."

"Huh?"

"You are outside of the training grounds." About one hundred _miles_ outside of the designated training grounds, if Itachi had correctly inferred the map's scale.

"_Nani?_" Naruto gasped dramatically.

He was stoically ignored as Itachi did some much-needed calculations. If they moved quickly, the trip could be done in two to three days, still leaving him time to complete his mission in the Land of Wind, where Kisame was already waiting. As an added benefit, it would not be much of a detour. But… he could already sense that this genin would be exasperating at best. The next few days would be taxing. _Sasuke owes me so much for this_, Itachi thought ironically.

"I will escort you back to Konoha, if you so desire."

"Really?" His face was bright, but it suddenly sank into a stiff, unnatural haughtiness. "But I don't need your help. I'm a genin, dattebayo!" He was motioning to his forehead protector, a manic grin on his face.

Itachi nearly rolled his eyes. "If you do not need an escort, then how about a travel companion?"

At first, the boy only gaped. Itachi remembered that, in his studies of this particular jinchuuriki, the boy had no real friends to speak of, and he had essentially grown up on his own. Therefore, the offer of an alliance would have been entirely foreign to him. A small bit of pity stirred in Itachi's chest.

Around that time, the look of surprise on Naruto's face had become a sort of thoughtfulness. "I don't know," he said at length, walking in a slow circle around Itachi as if he were analyzing him. "If you're anything like Sasuke, you'd just hold me back."

This time, Itachi did indulge in an eye-roll, but only because Naruto was behind him.

"Are you good with kunai?" he continued self-importantly, planting himself challengingly in front of the older boy.

Itachi wordlessly snatched a kunai from his sleeve and tossed it forward, just over Naruto's ear, with enough force to cut down precisely three trees, and he did it all within a fraction of a second. Those three trees crashed in the woods (_Would they have been heard if no one had been around to hear?_ Itachi wondered vacantly) and Naruto's face steadily filled with awe.

"Sugoi!" he cheered when the dust had settled. "You need to teach _me_ how to do that!" Then Naruto suddenly became serious again. "Decent," he said, clearing his throat self-importantly. "But how good are you at ninjutsu?" The blond formed a single seal and shouted, "Kage bunshin no jutsu!" No less than five clones appeared around him, each positioned in that same judgmental stance.

To put it simply, Itachi did not have time for these games. He had a government official to assassinate in a week's time, not to mention that he needed a haircut, and he still had a lot of traveling to do. He briefly considered ditching Naruto then and there, but a horrifying image of Sasuke breaking down when he found out about Naruto's death deflated Itachi's resolve. Almost huffily, he flashed through the hand signs and summoned ten earth clones, all in a circle around the genin.

Then, in less time than it took to blink, his clones ripped Naruto's to shreds—with weapons, with bare hands, and one (oddly enough) with his hat. The blond was absolutely white when the job was done.

"Have I passed your test?" Itachi finally intoned.

It took him a moment, but Naruto turned back with a wide grin. "Hell yeah, you have! When do we leave?"

"Right now." And Itachi started a steady walk to the northwest.

It took only a few moments for Naruto to trot up by his side. "How long will the trip take?"

"A bit more than two days."

"Two days! _Sugoi!_ Can we train, too? Can we please? You have to teach me how to throw kunai like you!" If Naruto had bothered to look, or _knew_ how to look at all, he would have seen how impossibly old Itachi seemed in that moment. The teen could have been a fountain of resignation. But, unfortunately for the missing-nin, Naruto was anything but observant. "Wait til Sasuke-teme sees what I can do!" he shouted gleefully, unaware that Itachi's silence did not equate to an affirmative answer.

Itachi, in actuality, remained silent for hours. He did not want to interrupt. Naruto was more than capable of filling the silence with his curious banter as he practically ran circles around the Akatsuki member. "Sister-boy, what happened to your forehead protector?"

"Why is your hair so long?"

"What are those marks under your eyes?"

"Why are your fingernails purple?"

"Where did you get that fruity cloak?"

"Are you wearing mascara, Sister-boy?"

"Did you ever think about buying a cooler hat?"

Itachi was mildly impressed with himself for having made it this far without pummeling the blond into unconsciousness and abandoning his lifeless body outside of the village gates. There was, after all, only so much he could take.

"Are you coming to visit Sasuke?" The question was so unexpected, so wildly different from all the others, that Itachi nearly stumbled in his steps. The boy noticed and gave Itachi an almost concerned glance. "Woah, are you okay?"

Itachi, with wide eyes, again did not respond, but unconsciously quickened his pace, forcing Naruto to trot in order to keep up with him.

"You _are_ coming to visit Sasuke!" Naruto incorrectly deduced. "He should be happy to see you! I mean, he doesn't have any other family left, I think. Although… Sasuke never mentioned having another family member that was alive… I heard that they were all dead."

Itachi unconsciously raised a hand to his chest, trying to soothe his burning lungs. Thinking of his brother this way, talking about him with someone Sasuke saw nearly every day… it had been a long time since Itachi had heard news this detailed, and it hurt in a way he could not explain. "I am not visiting my brother," he managed to say.

"Your _brother?_"

Oh. He had forgotten that the young boy wasn't fully informed of his relationship with Sasuke. Reluctantly, Itachi nodded his head in confirmation. Naruto's answering smile was inexplicably excited.

"I didn't know Sasuke has a brother! I can't wait until we get back to Konoha dattebayo! We can show you the village, and have ramen if you like, and you can meet Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan, too! Sasuke will be so happy!" Then he tipped his head, and his voice, which had been so childish earlier, gained an inexplicably somber tone. "But, uh, I don't think that Sasuke remembers you. He told me he doesn't have any family left. He wouldn't tell me what happened to them, though. I… I think it was really sad."

Eyes downcast, Itachi hid his grimace. Naruto couldn't know that Sasuke would _never_ forget him—that he probably still had nightmares about his dear brother. He'd only tried his best to protect him. Even if it hurt, it was still better than the other option…. But Itachi couldn't help it. A part of him would always wonder if Sasuke would ever look at him with the same eyes… if he would ever learn to forgive him after he was gone…. That wish always brought him the most pain.

"Do you miss him?" Another question that came from nowhere, like a clap of thunder on a cloudless day. Itachi's eyes snapped towards Naruto, and he murmured, "Why do you ask?"

He gave him a tender sort of smile. "You looked sad, I guess. If I had a brother, I would never want to leave him behind."

Something in Itachi broke with those words. He'd never wanted to leave, either, but he'd been forced—_tricked_—into betraying everyone he loved. Sasuke was all he had left, and he'd be damned to let that go. No, he had his plan worked out, and he would stick to it until the end. This boy beside him was just a nuisance. A troublesome, meddling genin with no common sense.

"It is meaningless," he said frigidly.

"What is?"

Itachi stopped and faced him, his red eyes swirling lazily. "Everything you say, Naruto-kun. It holds no importance to me. It is meaningless drivel." He could tell the words sunk in deep—he may as well have struck Naruto across the face, he looked so hurt. Itachi raised his chin marginally before he turned and continued his steady pace forward.

Naruto, however, was not following; the boy's blue eyes were watching his back with unconcealed anguish. Eventually, Naruto mumbled, "You don't have to be so _mean_." It was soft, but Itachi still heard it. Somehow, it injured him as much as the boy's comment about brotherhood.

_I didn't want to leave him behind. I simply had no choice._

"Hurry up, Naruto-kun," he said. "We still have a long way to go." The genin rushed closer to his side, but he asked no more troublesome questions. Itachi pretended not to see him scrub away the tears.

For nearly six hours, they proceeded in near silence, only broken by Itachi's soft instructions.

Out of nowhere, a ferocious growl rumbled in the forest. Itachi turned his eyes to the now-meek boy beside him. "Sorry." His hand was on his stomach. "I'm hungry."

"Very well," he said with all the weariness of the world. They'd barely walked half of the distance he had thought they would, and it didn't seem as if they'd get too much further before nightfall.

"Yoshi!" Naruto cheered, eliciting a prolonged sigh from Itachi. Then the young boy's face turned pensive. "You wouldn't happen to have a cup of ramen with you, would you, Sister-boy?"

Itachi blinked. This boy wasn't even carrying the necessary food supplies? How thick could he possibly be? "I have nothing with me," Itachi told him frankly.

"Whaa? Don't you need to eat? What do you do?"

"I catch my food, or purchase it, if I must."

"So you're going to catch your food?" Naruto surmised, though he still looked a bit confused.

Itachi heaved in another breath. "I was not planning on having a meal, Naruto-kun."

It was too late. The boy had already plopped himself down on the forest floor, a kunai restlessly twirling in his fingers. "Watch this, Sister-boy!"

He was about to correct the child for calling him the improper name when Naruto chucked the kunai into the forest. The intended target was a rabbit, and the boy nearly got it — the taunting shout, however, had warned it, and the kunai thunked into the wood of the tree just above it. Or, more specifically, the thread attached to the tree. Both Naruto and Itachi watched in shocked silence as a net sailed to the ground, catching not only the rabbit, but a squirrel as well.

Well, that was highly unusual. Itachi hadn't even noticed the trap's placement until the kunai was already thrown. (Naruto hadn't noticed it at all, but he wasn't _about_ to admit that.)

Dinner was a quick affair. Itachi had stewed the rabbit in a portable pot he had brought with him, and the squirrel, he merely skewered. Naruto watched him hungrily while he worked. "Why can't we eat it _now?_" he groaned along with his stomach. Smelling the food cook while he was starving was doing terrible things to his mood.

"Do you wish to be ill?"

"I won't be!" (Naruto knew it was true, but Itachi only scoffed as he stirred the rabbit.)

They finished the meal in silence and Itachi announced that it was pointless to continue to walk with the sun falling fast. "I will wake you early tomorrow, so that we may hurry," he warned evenly.

Naruto just huffed, still grumpy even though his stomach was full. He curled on the ground and heard the older boy shift towards a tree, in order to prop himself up. Again, it was awkwardly quiet, but Itachi had had a feeling that this boy would not remain silent for long.

"Why did you leave Konoha, Sister-boy?"

The teen feigned sleep.

Dawn was just tracing her fingers across the horizon when Itachi stirred. Naruto was sprawled before him, mouth agape, breathing heavily. Itachi cringed at the thought of how many insects might have crawled in the young boy's mouth while he rested.

"Naruto-kun, wake up. We must leave." Itachi was not surprised that the blond did not move. "Naruto-kun." He rose from his restful position and brushed the soil from his cloak with a measured hand. At about that time, the boy awoke with a rude snort.

"Hwah," was the first thing he said. He then wiped the drool from his mouth and smacked his lips. Itachi's nose crinkled with distaste. Stretching, Naruto yawned loud enough to scare away the birds in a nearby tree.

And then he began his morning exercise routine.

Itachi wanted to curse the gods. "We don't have time for this, Naruto-kun," he insisted quietly.

"But I have to become stronger. I'm going to become Hokage one day, dattebayo!"

The older boy wasn't cruel enough to tell him that he would probably die before he passed the chuunin exam, so he remained silent. Naruto took this as a sign of acceptance, and an excited grin split his face as he began his furiously-paced crunches.

Itachi reseated himself to wait.

He clocked the morning ritual at an hour. One complete hour of exercise. He honestly didn't think that Naruto had the attention span.

"Are you ready now, Naruto-kun?"

"Yup!" But instead of marching proudly away, like Itachi had expected him to, the boy plopped back down on the ground and pulled a fistful of berries off of a nearby bush. "Breakfast time!" he cheered.

As he watched Naruto scarf down handful after handful of berries, the older boy didn't know whether to start walking, or to point out that the berries had not been washed. He chose the former.

It had the desired effect of hurrying Naruto. "Wait a second! I'm coming, yeesh!" He finished the berries in one swallow and trotted up to him. "Are we almost there?"

"No. We have about two days of walking left."

"Two days?" The boy groaned aloud. "That's what you said yesterday!"

"I am sorry, but if we had walked until dusk the previous night, like I had wanted to, we would have had only a day and a half left."

Naruto did not hear over his complaining. "Why is it taking so long to get back? Can't we use a summon or something?"

"We would attract attention if we were to—" At once, Itachi halted in his tracks. He'd seen movement in the upper-corner of his eye, and automatically extended his chakra field, his eyes swirling as they darted around. Where was he? _Who_ was he?

Ah, a Sand shinobi hiding in the canopy of a nearby tree. Jounin ranking, a water chakra signature. Hm. Itachi would not be able to use Katon jutsus effectively until this shinobi was neutralized….

"Who're you looking for?" Naruto's voice sounded even more grating than usual in the silence, not to mention that Itachi felt the air around him become tense. The enemy team had apparently heard. Not that Naruto was trying to be secretive or anything, he supposed.

"Not 'who for'," he corrected absently. "'For whom'." His eyes switched to the left side of the forest.

"Huh?" said the ever-oblivious Naruto.

"'For whom are you looking?' is the proper sentence," Itachi explained with unending patience. Really, had the boy no education? Improper pronouns, prepositions hanging at the end of his clauses. What was next? A run-on sentence?

He spotted a second shinobi immediately afterwards, crouching behind a thicket. He was also a jounin. Chakra signature… wind. Not a problem.

The blond's lips pulled into a huffy pout. "Who cares about that?"

"Grammar rules even kings," Itachi quoted sagely. His eyes were still searching the forest. He likely had to search for one more….

Naruto was so frustrated, he didn't even notice that the older boy had managed to evade the earlier question entirely, nor did he notice how on-edge he was. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

And then the first kunai whistled past Itachi's left shoulder, just missing his neck. "Duck," he told Naruto simply. The boy, frightened, dropped to the ground.

In the next moment, Itachi unleashed hell. He flashed through the earth signs and plunged his hands into the ground, pulling them apart with all his might. The land tore apart with them, ripping a monstrous canyon in the forest floor. The strength of the movement knocked two of the three clean out of their trees, but they didn't even hit the ground before a well-placed katon jutsu swallowed them whole. Unconscious and charred, they lay still, their bodies slightly smoking.

Itachi straightened leisurely. The forest became absolutely silent.

Too silent.

The third member was still out there.

He was waiting for the right opportunity… the moment when he could—

"Hey, Sister-boy!"

Every nerve in Itachi's body screamed in outrage, but he only indulged in a passive sigh. "There is one more," he hissed instead of strangling him.

The boy yelped and ducked his head.

And the forest fell silent once again.

The Sand nin was waiting for a mistake.

Itachi wasn't going to give him the pleasure.

Suddenly, a breeze rustled the forest canopy.

He was here.

Itachi's eyes blazed into their full ability, and he trapped the man with a cold stare. To the foreigner, it would have felt like years of torture, brutal beatings, killed hundreds of times yet still alive. Screaming in agony, red and black, ceaseless pain….

All Naruto heard was a gurgling yelp and a thud as the man flopped to the ground five yards away.

"Wow, Sand nin suck!" he applauded. "Even _I_ don't fall out of trees."

The older boy allowed himself the smallest of smirks. "Indeed."

The blond moved to the body and began to search its pockets. "We have to interrogate this guy, see what he knows, and… and—uh, Sister-boy, what are you doing?"

It was a simple answer. Itachi was continuing the journey. "We need to get you home," he replied. "We have attracted enough attention through the fight, so we must hurry."

"But-but they just tried to _kill_ you!"

"I remember," Itachi said offhandedly, still walking away.

Naruto glanced around at the semi-conscious team draped on the forest floor. Then he looked at Itachi's retreating back. "H-hey Sister-boy, wait for me dattebayo!" He scampered up, casting looks back at the three fallen Sand nin every so often. Itachi, however, stoically walked on.

It wasn't five minutes later before the pleasant quiet was interrupted. "Why did they try to fight you?" asked Naruto.

It took a large amount of Itachi's self-control not to smack his palm into his forehead. "It does not matter."

"Of course it does!" The young boy stomped in front of his guide and halted in front of him, forcing Itachi to stop as well. "What happened?"

The sun was already showing how late it was, and the Akatsuki member grimly thought about the remaining distance. "Come, Naruto-kun. We should keep moving."

"I'm not moving until you tell me!" He crossed his arms and scowled.

Well, he could always force him to move, but Itachi did not savor the idea of fighting again so soon. Or at all, really. He settled for the next best thing: the truth.

"They were trying to kill me."

"I know that already!" he snapped, annoyed. "But _why_?"

Oh, he should have known it would take more than that to keep this boy content. He gave a long-suffering sigh. Itachi did not want to reveal any more of his connections to the child unless absolutely necessary. So the truth would not work anymore. It was time to fib. "They want the Uchiha treasure."

"The Uchiha treasure?" Despite his obvious frustration, wonder laced Naruto's voice.

"Yes."

"What… what is it? The Uchiha treasure?"

"I will tell you about it if you walk with me."

A bright smile lit up his face. "All right!" He pumped his fist in the air and trotted ahead. "Come on, Sister-boy, hurry up!"

That was much easier than expected. Itachi decided to remember this trick for a future impasse.

They walked for four hours completely uninterrupted, thanks to his ingenious white lie. He told the boy about his clan's long history, and how various members contributed their valuables to the ever-growing Uchiha treasure. There were things as simple as gold, or as beautiful as sumi-e paintings, or as deadly as katana crafted by masters. Although he was forced to speak more than usual, Itachi was grateful that he didn't have to concern himself with Naruto's whining.

But, as all good things, it was not made to last.

An ominous rumble, like thunder, split the woods.

Naruto looked sheepish as he touched a hand to his stomach. "Is it time for dinner yet?"

Itachi was nearly amazed. How had this boy ever gotten through the academy? "It cannot even be three o'clock yet. We should—"

"Make lunch?"

Itachi responded with a slight eyebrow raise, to which Naruto stuck out his lower lip and said, "Please?" Only the smallest bit of hesitation on Itachi's part wrongfully convinced Naruto that he was the victor. He grinned and began to throw together brush for a fire. "Should I set a trap? Or maybe I can fish?"

"Did I mention that we have diamonds in our hidden treasure?" Itachi tried weakly.

"Ooh, or maybe there are deer here!"

"Naruto-kun, please. We must continue if you are to get to the village."

The young boy glared at him. "But I haven't eaten yet!" he reiterated.

"We will eat later."

"No! I want to eat now!"

"We continue," Itachi demanded, using the most impressive voice he had in his possession. He had commanded ANBU with it when he was young. Unfortunately, it only worsened the young boy's resolve. Naruto had gone as far as crossing his arms and plopping down on the forest floor.

Curses.

"If you will not accept my help, then I will leave. The village is in that direction." Itachi pointed, and then he leapt up and made a show of dashing away through the treetops. It was all an act, of course, to stir the blond into action. In reality, he merely leaned against the trunk above Naruto's head, watching the young boy's response.

"Wait! Sister-boy, don't go! Wait, I'll get something that I can eat while we walk! Please?" He waited. "Sister-boy?"

Itachi observed with satisfaction as Naruto began to push forward, forgetting all about his meal. Even better, he was headed in the general direction of the village. The racket he made was disturbing among the tranquil woods, but Itachi's eyes were more than enough to protect him from whatever might come to attack. Keeping the boy moving only required leaving an occasional blatant track pointing towards Konoha.

The benefits of walking through the trees were debatable. While Itachi did not have to put up with incessant questioning and prattle, he still had to listen to the boy's voice. Another downside was that he was no longer able to demand silence when he wished it.

"JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO! WHENEVER WE GO OUT, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT THERE GOES JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDTS! DADA DADA DADADA John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! His Name Is My Name Too!" Naruto was marching through the forest, scaring away wildlife no less than a mile ahead of him. Knowing only one way out of hearing the same accursed song for three hours straight, Itachi desperately killed a squirrel and lobbed its dead carcass in the boy's path.

It worked.

"Food!" Naruto fell on the meal like a ravenous dog, tearing the raw meat away with his teeth and hands. He even sounded feral, with his snapping jaw, and was that growling he heard? Itachi heaved a silent sigh. It was no matter. At least, standing at this distance, the boy would not get scraps on his cloak.

Now, how would he get the boy moving again?

The task was easier than expected. He created a false camping sight twenty paces in front of Naruto that all but pointed to Konoha. The boy stumbled upon it moments later (blood still on his face, Itachi noted with shame) and yipped with happiness. "I'm coming to get you, Sister-boy!" he cheered before sprinting off.

In the wrong direction.

At least it was westward, the teen comforted himself as he furiously tried to outrun his blond travel companion. The race was more grueling than he would have ever imagined it to be, but he was able to steer Naruto northwards with no further mishaps. They were due south of the village now, and back on track. The detour did not cost them much time, at all—it could have even been for the better. As soon as the thought had filtered through his mind, Itachi remembered something else important: due south of the village was nearly a war zone.

No, fate was not on his side during this trip. (He didn't understand that it was not his own fate, but rather that of Naruto, which had interfered so tremendously with his plans.) There were traps everywhere, some so close to Naruto's footfalls that Itachi was astounded that the boy hadn't tripped one yet with his colossal ignorance. Itachi himself had to pick his way through the trees, weaving past the near-invisible strings of chakra and hoping that Naruto was doing the same.

Each time he checked, it was clear that his hopes were not being met. The boy staggered through the woods as haphazardly as he always did, breaking branches and kicking rocks with a clear disregard for his own life, not to mention the general forest biome. The most fascinating thing that Itachi could see, even as he divided his attentions between the blond genin and his own tentative footfalls in the forest canopy, was that Naruto was somehow avoiding every trap he came across. Some were admittedly missed by millimeters, but the boy was alive and well thirty whole, nerve-wracking minutes later.

With his Sharingan, Itachi could finally see the end of the trap field approaching, meters away from their current position. Already, the chakra triggers were growing thinner. He glanced downward to check the state of his self-appointed charge.

Gods.

He nearly shouted a warning, but caught himself. A kunai whirled into his hand instead. Just as he was about to launch it at the trigger to deactivate the trap, Naruto pivoted and fired off two kunai of his own, aimed directly at Itachi's chest. "Got you, dattebayo!"

The teenager barely had time to think. He cartwheeled into the air as he hurtled the projectile. It whistled downwards, but he could not watch it reach its destination. He had triggered a trap himself, so he spent the next moment wildly dodging an onslaught of needles.

Finally, it was over.

Naruto was below him, searching the treetops. "Yeah, stranger-no-baka, who's the greatest ninja _now_!" Then, whistling, he carried on through the forest.

Itachi's breathing was heavily labored, and his hands were trembling. His kunai had barely hit its destination, saving Naruto by mere milliseconds. Naruto's kunai, however, had lodged themselves in a tree trunk, right were Itachi's chest had been moments ago.

This boy was a walking safety hazard.

He once again found himself wondering why (and _how_) Sasuke had befriended this dolt. It was then and there that he decided that it was much safer walking with Naruto than hiding from him. Itachi, with regret, unceremoniously dropped from the tree next to his charge, startling him quite comically.

After the initial shout of panic, the boy growled and held up his fist. "Where were you?" Naruto challenged.

"Around." And he continued towards Konoha as if he hadn't been conspicuously missing for the past five hours.

The boy huffed, and Itachi had to deal with no less than one hour of constant badgering and threats. He bore them with mute tolerance, knowing full-well that one flick of his finger could destroy this genin. _Unless he gets lucky_, he amended. _If this boy is anything, it's lucky_.

After a long while with no responses, Naruto became sullen for about a half of an hour. His funks never lasted long, though, and soon he was whistling, chatting, and being generally irksome.

"Where are you going after this, Sister-boy?"

"The Land of Wind."

"Why?"

"I have a job to do."

"Why?"

Itachi refused to answer that one.

"Why won't you say hello to your brother?" Naruto tried again.

He stayed silent for that question, too. He could tell that the blond was becoming more irritated with every prolonged silence. It was quite possible that the young boy was physically incapable of not making a ruckus everywhere he went. Once more, he wondered at the state of Konoha's schools these days. It wouldn't be the last time.

"I didn't know Sasuke had a brother," the boy said again. "He never said that he had one. He never says anything about his family, not since he's been on my team. Whatever happened, he really hates talking about it." Itachi was grateful that he was ahead in the walking procession; he couldn't bear to see the boy's wistful face. "It's so weird that you won't visit him. I don't have a family at all, but if I were Sasuke, I'd want to see my brother no matter what."

"What if—" Itachi murmured, but then he caught himself and fell silent again.

"Huh? What if what?" And then he appeared beside him, looking up with those brilliant blue eyes, so trusting and hopeful that Itachi found himself continuing, against his will, "What if your brother did something that you could never forgive?" Why he asked him, he couldn't say. Naruto was a boy, a genin with a horrifyingly embarrassing sense of direction (and sense of fashion). But there was something about him right now, something that radiated from him that Itachi found bizarrely comforting and accepting. "What if your brother betrayed you? If he was the reason you were alone?" The words poured out of him, things that Itachi never thought he would say before his early death, things he'd kept hidden since he was younger than Naruto.

The genin watched him with those steady sapphire eyes, never blinking. His obnoxious antics were gone; he seemed as old as the forest around them, and as wizened. Then, as if to shatter all expectations completely, he placed a reassuring, pudgy hand above Itachi's elbow. "But family always forgives. No matter how bad things get. That's what a family is."

Fury swallowed him. "And what would you know about family?" he hissed, imposing his figure over the young boy. "You said you don't have one! How could you even dream of understanding?"

He accepted the harsh words passively, with a forlorn smile on his face. "I do have a family, though. Not a blood-family, but a real family. One that will forgive me when I make mistakes, one that I can talk to. I know that a part of me has done horrible things in the past… but they don't care. They've forgiven me, and helped me be a better person. If you tell Sasuke that you're sorry, he might be angry at first, but he'll forgive you, too. I know he will."

_He doesn't know what I've done_, he reminded himself. _Forgiveness was never an option for me_. "We need to go this way," Itachi said instead, avoiding the young boy's relentless gaze.

After that, not a word passed between them for hours. It must have been some sort of record for Naruto, yet whenever Itachi stole a glance, the genin seemed content with scuffing his feet in the leaves and watching them swirl on the ground. Itachi, however, loathed the quiet more than the boy's jabbering. Now he needed the distraction more than anything, because all he could think about was how an idiotic genin that couldn't point north if he had a compass had found the words to say everything he'd ever wanted to hear. He had given him hope. Hope, when there had only ever been nothing.

When they made camp that night, Naruto didn't bother begging for dinner. He simply caught a few squirrels and roasted them until they were sizzling and spitting over the open fire. Wordlessly, he handed Itachi a squirrel of his own to eat.

"Thank you," Itachi whispered. _I don't deserve this faith, but thank you for its comfort_.

Naruto smiled. "Squirrel's the best to eat. But they suck to catch. One of them tried to bite me once! It was huge! I was hunting with a snare…."

Itachi gave a drawn-out sigh. The spell was broken.

The next morning, the journey had reverted to its usual pattern. Naruto would prance around, asking ridiculous questions and badgering Itachi about nothing, while the Akatsuki member slogged steadily north, with a self-sacrificing set to his jaw. He could no longer hold the boy at fault, though; Naruto was loud and brash and annoying, but he was also kind-hearted, and loyal, and Itachi wondered if he'd ever meet anyone as strangely uplifting as this boy in the loud orange jumpsuit.

That was when he sensed the chakra. They were finally there.

Itachi stopped and abruptly turned on his heel, causing Naruto to bump into his chest awkwardly. "Hey, wha—"

"This is where I leave you," he said simply. The boy was staring up at him through creased eyes, clearly confused. Innocent. "Say hello to Sasuke for me." Then, with one painstaking motion, the raven-haired boy lifted one arm, index finger extended, and ever-so-gently prodded Naruto in the forehead. The gesture, so unlike the rapid, precise movements Naruto had seen from Itachi before, was lengthy and gentle, and from the teen, it felt as intimate as a strong hug. When the finger withdrew, Naruto scrubbed his forehead in confusion and stared at his hand, as if he'd be able to see the mark Itachi had made. "What the hell? What was that for?"

But when he turned his eyes upwards, the other boy was gone. Instead, the Southern Gate of Konoha loomed in front of him. The doors were open wide, as they always were during times of peace. The village seemed to be waiting for him. Naruto took two gleeful paces forward, but then paused. His face turned troubled. Quickly, he whipped his head around a few more times, searching for his travel companion one last time. Finding nothing, he shrugged openly and shouted, "Bye, Sister-boy!" into the forest before dashing back towards his peace-loving village. He'd made it home.

From atop a towering pine, Itachi watched him go. _An idiot_, he thought plainly. _An idiot and nothing more_. But, even though his face maintained its ever-present mask of indifference, he touched the brim of his hat in farewell before vanishing in a swirl of petals. No one thought twice about the massive chakra leaving the village, and nothing changed that day.

* * *

Sasuke looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Um, Sasuke?" Naruto prodded him. "Are you okay?"

"Itachi," he whispered.

"Yeah, Sister-boy. That's what I said."

"You saw Itachi."

"Uh-huh."

"And he said… hello? To _me?_"

"Yeah. I thought he was going to visit you, but he said he had to go do something somewhere else." Naruto shrugged. "But I'm sure he'll visit soon."

Naruto was about to ask him if he knew where the infamous Uchiha treasure was hidden when Sasuke fainted dead-away.

* * *

I have to say, I really enjoyed writing this story. Itachi is fun to torture, and Naruto is fun to write. If you liked it (or didn't!) please review!


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